How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, how many?
Let's ride bikes!
Okay, it's a little funny, but it's also a little too close to home.
I've heard people refer to ADHD as something only white, spoiled rich kids can be diagnosed with. I've heard them say that ADHD is a term we made up so that we could medicate childhood, and that ADHD symptoms are really just normal childish, often boyish, behaviors. I've heard people say that instead of medicating children we need to punish them, that we're letting our children get away with too much by diagnosing them instead of disciplining them. One of my sister's best friends was diagnosed with ADHD after coming home early from his mission, and his mother's reaction was, "Wow. I thought you were just annoying." And we do think of ADHD as something that annoying little boys have.
All of this is hurtful and unproductive.
The image we have in our heads of what ADHD looks like is not helpful, either. Often we picture a small child, almost always a boy, bouncing off the walls with uncontainable energy. That's not at all how I acted as a child. My uncontainable energy took place in my brain.
More than twice as many boys are diagnosed with ADHD as girls. Is that because boys are more likely to have ADHD? Maybe, but I don't think so. Girls are just better at hiding it.
I'll tell you what ADHD feels like. It feels like having a computer with 28 different tabs open. You're moving from one tab to the next so fast that you can't finish any of the tasks you're trying to complete. You end of getting exhausted and frustrated and not finishing anything at all.
I've had ADHD my whole life, but it went untreated until very recently. I struggled in school. I fidgeted. I watched the clock. I doodled like crazy. These may sound like normal high-school behaviors, but when you have ADHD, boredom becomes physically painful. Literally.
ADHD feels like dissatisfaction. Constantly. Especially when combined with a high IQ.
I spent so much of my life feeling chronically under stimulated. There was never enough to keep my mind occupied.
ADHD also makes it extremely hard to live in the moment. I was always asking, "What's next?" I couldn't stop planning my next trip, or even my next meal. My mind was always jumping ahead, which made it hard for me to be present and to focus. I could never finish a task before getting excited about something new. Follow-through is nearly impossible for someone with untreated ADHD.
This is why undiagnosed ADHD always leads to depression. It leaves you feeling continually dissatisfied and disappointed with life. You feel hungry emotionally and mentally all the time.
My boyfriend gets frustrated with me sometimes because I struggle to enjoy the moment. It's hard for me to have fun doing one activity without thinking, "Oh! I know something that would be more fun!" Fully enjoying an event before moving on to the next event is something I continue to struggle with.
I'll admit - I was a little worried about starting ADHD medication. I thought, I don't want to lose my energy. I don't want to lose my ability to do 12 things at once. But let me tell you. I am finally able to FINISH what I start and to be fully engaged in activities and events. I enjoy my loved ones more and I'm so much more relaxed. ADHD is real and medication is real.
What does ADHD feel like to you?
Thank you for this! This is very nearly me to a T. I began to see the light on this for myself when my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD. It was a long process full of child psychologists, pediatricians, mountains of paperwork and 3 failed medications before we found the correct one. In that process for him, I finally started to make sense of my own. Did you have a lengthy diagnosis process as an adult? Which medication did you find worked best? I know it's different for everyone but the stimulant ones had awful side effects for him and so the non-stimulant medications worked much better. Strattera. Looking forward to hearing back from you. I think this is the year i need to make that jump.
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